After being on the methadone maintenance program in Victoria, British Columbia for 10 years I finally managed to successfully ween myself off of the stuff 3 months ago and I have insights that I wanted to share with others who are on the methadone program or are considering going on it. Also, because of the power and influence of the pharmaceutical and medical industry there is virtually no information about the negative side-effects of methadone on the Web: I know them first hand and encourage others to share their experiences of Methadone in this forum.
I am 45 years old...I only started experimenting with heroin in my mid-twenties. Pure China-White heroin is plentiful in British Columbia and in the beginning I would occasionally smoke it (which is known as 'chasing the dragon'). As soon as I tried it I knew that it was addictive but continued anyways: first once a month,then once a week, then every second day, to everyday, to twice a day. I went from smoking it, to skin popping, and eventially to mainlining it. Using it took all my problems away: it was like a big warm blanket that I could hide under. I used all the energy and all the money I could to secure heroin: it was the first thing that I thought of when I awoke and it was the last thing that I thought of before going to sleep. I could hide it from my wife and my employer for the first few years, but as my problem became bigger my addiction became obvious: I began to look and act like the stereotypical junky.
In 2000, at the age of 35, I overdosed on a 'speed ball' (which is a combination of heroin and cocaine) in a cheap hotel. I was unconcious for about 24 hours and I was found in the 'prayer' position on the floor with my legs folded underneath me when hotel staff discovered me. Apparently, I died on the way to the hospital but was revived by ambulance workers. When I arrived at the hospital my lower legs below the knee were so swollen with toxic fluids that my kidneys shut-down and they actually considered amputating my lower legs.
Luckily they were able to save them by slicing into them deeply and draining them of the accumulated fluids...but in the process they severed the nerves that controlled the movement of my toes and feet. As I had always been very athletic in my younger days, and someone who loved to dance, this was a very traumatic development for me. These days I need leg braces to walk anywhere...my thighs carry all the dead weight. Another drawback of this radical surgery was that it left me with extreme 'pins and needles' neuropathic pain in my feet. As a result, I was put on methadone to replace my addiction to heroin and as an analgesic to deal with the intense discomfort in my lower extremities.
Although methadone did help get me off of heroin, and did initially help with the pain it turned me into a complete zombie: I was emotionally flat and unaffected, my thinking was very muddy, it completely dissolved my libido, I sweat excessively at the least physical exertion (which was socially embarassing ), it made me very groggy and tired, and it dramatically lowered my impulse control. Consequently, while I was on methadone I discovered that by taking valium I could recreate the feeling that I had on heroin...I abused this combination for years. Eventually, I started using cocaine which i abused everyday for years...and when I couldn't get it I'd smoke crystal meth.These stimulants made me feel alive again: they gave me energy and made me feel sexy. My addictive behavior significantly increased while I was on methadone: for some reason my physician was not urine-testing me,which at the time was convenient for me as a tweaker, but in retrospect I wish he had.
I began meeting people who were in the same situation as me: actively addicted to other substances while on methadone. They also complained of the same negative side-effects as me, so after a decade of being a zombie I decided to get off of methadone. Slowly,over months, I weened myself off of the methadone and began taking morphine for my pain which I scored from various people that I knew. I can honestly say that of all the drugs I quit, methadone was by far the most difficult and that's because it stays in your system longer than most drugs. Eventually. I confessed what I had been doing to my methadone doctor who, although understandably hesitant based on my history with drugs,accepted my determination to get off of methadone and he switched me over to morphine. I have been off of methadone for 3 months now and I feel mentally and physically stronger and energetic,my libido has returned, and I feel ten years younger. Besides my medical prescriptions I have been completely sober and I have absolutely no interest in abusing any kind of drug again. I look back on the decade that I was on methadone and it was like I was living in a dark closet: actually, I can't remember a whole lot of it.
There is a current trend in the province of British Columbia, for doctors to increasingly prescribe methadone for pain instead of more tradtional (and effective) pain-killers like morphine...I suppose this is in response to the increasing popularity of people getting high from using prescriptions. I would strongly recommend that anyone who is currently struggling with heroin addiction and wants to quit, to avoid methadone altogether and just go cold turkey...and I would recommend that any one in pain reject the possibility of being put on methadone and insist upon a prescription for morphine.
This is my story. If anyone reading this has a story to share I encourage you to write in this forum as a means of educating people about the adverse side-effects of methadone.
